|
Loving
Relationships --
For about ten years, I
was a 'live' reader at the Cleveland Sight Center for their
closed-circuit radio station—the Cleveland Radio Reading
Service—(as opposed to taping for later broadcast, which I
still enjoy doing) and the most memorable article I read
during that time was an article from the New York Times in the
late 80s or early 90s about two men in Greenwich Village who
were celebrating (albeit quietly) their 50th anniversary
together.
As a non-gay person, I
certainly knew about the existence of such folks, but at the
time, my exposure was not as great as it is now. I had been
and still am very active in the arts world, but am now much
more aware of those around me, to my great benefit.
This particular
article was written in a most loving manner, and was truly a
tribute to these men, personally, as well as an homage to
their togetherness. I cried so much while reading that I was
hard pressed to finish it.
But—my opinion then,
as it is now, is that a relationship—ANY relationship—is a
darned hard thing to keep alive. If it happens to be two men
or two women or one of each, what is the difference? Love is a
very fleeting thing, and wherever one finds it—it should be
valued and treasured and honored. After all, as a heterosexual
woman, I had been unable to keep either of two marriages going
for more than ten years each, and not for lack of trying,
either. Who am I to fault any relationship that works?
Now that I have become
more aware, I know several gay or lesbian 'married' couples.
They are without exception, very exceptional people. They are
well educated and very talented in their chosen fields.
Because they can now be more open about themselves and their
relationships, they are also more open to others. One gay
friend of mine was 'forcefully retired' from his employer of
40 years, where he had been unable to be himself because of
corporate homophobia. Within a month of this retirement, he
had not just strolled out of the closet, no -- he crashed out
of it!
It made me realize
more than any other single event to which I had been exposed,
just how much people have suffered for not being able to
publicly be the person that they really are, when private.
This is disgraceful now that science has proven
incontrovertibly that sexual identification is genetic rather
than by choice.
One male couple to
whom I was introduced in another city were a wonderful team.
Supremely talented musically, they were devoted to each other,
with just one small tiff occurring in their 30-year
partnership. Unfortunately, the tiff resulted in a one-night
stand which left the man with the HIV virus. After his death,
his 'family' hastily reclaimed the body and conducted its own
service in the state where they lived, but he had not,
leaving his partner completely adrift. They even refused to
divulge the location of the cemetery they chose. On the other
hand, the memorial service for this man in the city in which
he'd lived for most of his adult life, overflowed the very
large church in which it was held. Eight years later, the
family had still not relented, but perseverance by friends
made it possible for the one left behind to honor his
partner's grave.
How can this be right?
A young woman of my acquaintance was, for many years, married
to a man who beat her, and ruthlessly held her under his thumb
with words as well as his fists. When I learned all this, and
finally called his bluff, threatening to report him to the
police in the state in which they lived, apparently there was
no more 'fun' to be had by such indulgence, so he just simply
abandoned her. It took a long time to mend what he had broken,
but she is now married to a man who treats her as though she
were made of glass. What a difference!
Of course, that first
marriage, being completely 'normal' and legal gave the bum the
right to do anything he wanted to do. How sad that our society
condones this sort of disastrous behavior while condemning the
much more valuable non-traditional relationships in which love
and honor and respect for both partners is the golden rule.
With so many more
important problems facing society these days—problems such as
homelessness, hunger, unemployment, abused children, and lack
of medical care—just think of what could be accomplished if
we'd band together to face real problems rather
than imaginary ones.
Kelly Ferjutz
|
|
